Freedom press

broken French press
Behold, yet another reason to boycott all things French. French fries and French toast? Dangerous, artery-clogging cuisine. French wine? Too confusing, what with the labels written in French. But this. This so-called coffee making device is an appalling example of a country in decline. Observe the shoddy workmanship and lack of precision. Not only is this product defective, it is a consumer hazard.

And consider the larger picture. Perhaps this broken apparatus is not merely a simple defect. Perhaps it is part of a larger French plot to eliminate the enemy via glass shards and a lack of caffeine. So be vigilant: check your coffee, chuck your wine, and comb through your camembert.

14 responses to “Freedom press”

  1. Robin Capper

    Don’t give George a reason to invade France…

  2. k

    Bad product be damned. I love the French.

  3. Bill

    Theories about why this disaster occurred:

    Your coffee grind was too fine, creating too much pressure as you plunged through the grounds.

    You used a metal spoon (instead of a wooden spoon) to stir the grounds after you poured the water in; the metal spoon clanked against the glass edge causing breakage.

    You didn’t use true French Roast coffee.

    Your French Press pot was made in China.

    You were just totally careless and caught up in some moment of “joie d’vie” and flung your French Press into the sink in a moment of wild abandon.

  4. whi5p

    I agree, but they can be had for $4.
    and the stainless steel screen at the bottom is good to cut up and put in your pipe and smoke on top of.

  5. j bubbles

    Aaaahhh Becky, Don’t let this defect hinder you from using a French Press. We were introduced to this nifty device in NZ. (Every Kiwi owns one.) Mr. J Bubbles loved it so much, he had to go out and purchase one upon our return. It makes the best coffee he’s ever had.

  6. Clair

    Are you sure you used it right? Were the instructions in French and did you use an internet translator to read them?

  7. Suzette

    Well, its no Osterizer.

  8. Becky

    It’s unbelievable that certain commenters (ahem) would imply that this tragedy is somehow my doing. Good recycling tip from whi5p, though.

    And Suzette, it’s true. Osterizer should get into the market with a 20 pound, indestructable Freedom Press. No doubt such a thing would be in the family for generations to come.

  9. Freedom date

    Happy new year to you too!!
    2006 will be busy, there is a lot of re-education to do !

  10. Mike

    I try to use where ever possible. Not sure if it even relates. Taken from one of my other favorite sites 🙂

    Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
    Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
    Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
    Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
    Drunk guy: Huh?
    Drunk girl: That’s French toast.

  11. Sassy J

    I love my French press–most likely made in China by a German company. I’ve been sick for days and it is the perfect way to make my sister’s famous blend Chai that she doles out at Christmas.

  12. Clair

    “It’s unbelievable that certain commenters (ahem) would imply that this tragedy is somehow my doing. ”

    Why is it unbelievable? You do know me, right?

  13. Becky

    Happy new year to you too!!
    2006 will be busy, there is a lot of re-education to do !

    Wait, I wrote this post knowing that Freedom Date is safely away on holiday in France. France has the Internet now?

  14. Jenn

    i VERY much enjoy your site. Especially the part about pat burrell’s butt.