According to the exercises in What Color is My Parachute, my destiny in life is to be a cult leader. This career path has many advantages over my current position in the soulless office park:
- Work from home: Through the wonders of the interweb, I can preach in my PJs.
- Travel: I’ll hold quarterly cult conferences in my favorite cities.
- No pager or cell phone: As a spiritual leader, I will be tethered not to an electronic device but to a higher power.
- Instant audience: having a cult will be my big publishing break. Followers will have to buy my books because, well, they’re my followers.
- Early retirement: once my cult gets off the ground, I will retire to figurehead status. I’ll still collect the money and make the big decisions, but day to day cult operations will be delegated to trusted disciples.
I am now accepting applications for the position of disciple trainee; remember, the best way to become a powerful cult member is to get in on the ground floor. This position includes a great benefits package, complete with Canadian health coverage and a 401(k)oolaid plan.