Several years ago, when I was younger and full of venom, I wrote a mean little blurb, and the Philadelphia City Paper included it in their infamous I Love You, I Hate You section. The publication of this nasty note was my first and only big break.
Not surprisingly, I Love You, I Hate You is predictable. It contains a lot of trite love declarations (yawn) and hate-filled rants (somewhat more interesting but largely unoriginal). For example:
ONE AND ONLY
You are the yin to my yang, my partner in crime, the magic shell topping for my ice cream. Like my sword, I want you by my side forever.ALLISON
You are a nothing but a fat, crosseyed, filthty [sic] slut for life.
Each week, however, there are usually one or two I Love You I Hate You entries that exceed the average love drivel and self-righteous political comments. My picks from last week’s edition:
PECKER’S FAREWELL
A fond farewell to all my friends in Philly- I am off to California to star in an adult film version of To Kill a Mockingbird. I believe it was fate that brought me to the casting call.
Love, Gregory Pecker.SNACK TIME
Brazen veggie treat
green with envy are all snacks
burn tongues little peas
Where’s your post?
There used to be something like that in the local paper here (Macon, Georgia) it became affectionately known as “Redneck Email”. The newspaper discontinued the column because it just got plain sad. Laughable, but sad all the same.
No way am I posting my love/hate contribution! Luckily it was anonymous.
A fond farewell to all my friends in Philly- I am off to California to star in an adult film version of To Kill a Mockingbird. I believe it was fate that brought me to the casting call.Love, Gregory Pecker.
Good Grief!
This is my favorite, plus, why oh why do motorcylces have intentionally amplified motors? To drive all urban dwellers crazy as we try to slumber/host a dinner party/read?
BIKER IGNORAMI –
Look around you. See all the houses? Get a @#$%ing clue, assholes: You’re in a residential neighborhood! Stop revving your way-too-loud compensation for lack of endowment in front of my house and go ride on I-95 against traffic. Preferably without a light or a helmet. You all suck!
Well, the plea to biker ignorami makes sense but isn’t quite subtle enough. I’d strike the third sentence and the last one.
One of my favorite entries from years past is went something like “watch out Philly women, because I’m gonna sleep with every man in this city, including yours. – woman in Kensington”
The replies were numerous and funny. “Yo, Kensington slut,” etc. Also a few replies from men wondering why they hadn’t yet received a visit from the author.
Mark, I’m sad that your newspaper discontinued its column. It would be fun to read love/hate blurbs from Macon, GA.
I love the hate part in Citypaper’s love/hate.
Please post your contribution Becky. Thataway I can readily point wannabe writers to writers that I know who have been published. May even boost my writer’s group membership.
On a similar note: check out Philly’s craigslist activity partner section for some laughs (well it made me laugh anyway) re: sex workout partner. May not be work safe.
The posts are:
* Searching for Female W/O partner This is no joke (far ne philly)
* i am also looking for a sex/workout partner
* Workout partner, Yeah it is that good.
* Work me out
OH IT IS WRONG TO TARNISH TKIM!
WRONG!
that is all.