Several years ago, when I was younger and full of venom, I wrote a mean little blurb, and the Philadelphia City Paper included it in their infamous I Love You, I Hate You section. The publication of this nasty note was my first and only big break.
Not surprisingly, I Love You, I Hate You is predictable. It contains a lot of trite love declarations (yawn) and hate-filled rants (somewhat more interesting but largely unoriginal). For example:
ONE AND ONLY
You are the yin to my yang, my partner in crime, the magic shell topping for my ice cream. Like my sword, I want you by my side forever.
You are a nothing but a fat, crosseyed, filthty [sic] slut for life.
Each week, however, there are usually one or two I Love You I Hate You entries that exceed the average love drivel and self-righteous political comments. My picks from last week’s edition:
A fond farewell to all my friends in Philly- I am off to California to star in an adult film version of To Kill a Mockingbird. I believe it was fate that brought me to the casting call.
Love, Gregory Pecker.
Brazen veggie treat
green with envy are all snacks
burn tongues little peas