Border patrol

flipped collar
Montreal is a fun and friendly city, but the people there dress funny. What were they wearing?

  • Lots and lots of flipped collars.
  • Mesh shirts.
  • Parachute pants.
  • Leg warmers.
  • Acid washed jeans.

I don’t know which way this stuff is flowing, but I suggest a swift crackdown at the border. Now that SARS and mad cow disease are under control, we should turn our attention to preventing the movement of legwarmers into the US.

I’m pretty sure the Patriot Act authorizes increased surveillance to ensure that the United States does not relapse into old and unflattering fashions. We should train the TSA to hand-search all luggage and recognize the early warning signs of a potential collar flipper. The drug-sniffing dogs should be able to detect chemicals used in the acid washing process. And no one should be able to enter the country without first itemizing all articles of clothing purchased in Canada.

15 responses to “Border patrol”

  1. DCA

    I grew up in a state on the Quebec border, so I was used to seeing tourists pass through on their way to Maine’s beaches*. The Quebecois seemed to have a penchant for all-black outfits; seeing a couple dressed identically in black jeans, black shirts, and black leather jackets was not unusual. So while I think that some of their new clothing styles are unfortunate (mesh shirts? really?), at least they appear to be adding some color.

    *The middle aged men always seemed to wear Speedos at these beaches. Nastier than Short-shorts Guy, I tells ya.

  2. Becky

    Yes, really–mesh shirts! Plus all of the other things that people were reminiscing about in the earlier flipped collar post.

    I’ll bet short-shorts guy totally wears Speedos at the beach. Actually, the whole concept of publicly running around in the equivalent of underwear is strange, regardless of age, gender, or body type. This behavior leads to no good, as evidenced by skin cancer and the invention of cellulite and bikini waxes. Bring back the bathing costumes, I say.

  3. DCA

    I know that you’re seldom without your camera, so I think you should start taking pictures of any 80’s era outfits that you see. It would make a fascinating photo essay.

  4. Short shorts guy


    “Nastier than Short-shorts Guy”

    What do you mean? When I wear a thong speedo and I notice that I get plenty of stares from women.

  5. Short shorts guy


    “Nastier than Short-shorts Guy”

    What do you mean? When I wear a thong speedo, I notice that I get plenty of stares from women.

  6. Short shorts guy

    Sorry for the double post. I slipped while trying on a new thong speedo and picking out the wedge. I must have clicked too many times.

  7. DCA

    Short-shorts Guy –

    Since I have your attention, I have to ask a favor: please wipe down the gym equipment after you use it. You expose the seats to a bit more upper thigh flesh than most of us would like.

  8. Becky

    I’ll work on the photo essay, but I have yet to see acid washed jeans in Philly. Also, I think I’d need to get a more subtle camera–maybe on a cell phone or a watch.

  9. jo

    Now I know where the 80’s went. Whew! I thought they were missing.

  10. Christine

    I’m living in Germany now and it’s the same thing here. It’s like they forgot how bad it looked the first time.
    I posted about Legwarmers a month after I moved here because I was shocked and appalled at the sight.

    Please America, keep your cool, literally. Keep your fashion-sense in check, do not, I repeat, do not give in to the pressure of foreign fads.

  11. Splurge

    I think I can explain the 80’s look here in Montreal. As a Montrealer, I’ve noticed more and more in the last couple months that the 80’s look has been making a gradual comeback – especially with women, and especially at night in the clubs, lounges, bars, etc. Montreal is supposedly the ‘fashion capital’ of Canada, therefore this is where the fashion trends from overseas (London, Paris, Italy, etc) are picked up first. Unfortunately, it may mean that you’ll be seeing that look start to spread.
    I swore that I would rather die than see the 80’s look come back, and I never thought it would. Now I may have to actually kill myself. Well, I probably won’t. But if men start dressing up like the glam-rock bands of the 80’s, or even worse, like Boy George did back then, I sure will be tempted!

  12. Becky

    So according to Splurge and Christine, the legwarmers made their way from Germany to Montreal and are possibly headed to the States.

    For the love of God, people, stand your ground.

  13. Bill

    Having suffered living through some of these decades, I’ve had to endure resurgent 60s and 70s looks. Now it appears I have to put up with the 80s? Where does it end? There are a LOT of bad memories associated with this, not to mention bad clothes. We oughta have laws … (Note to world: I never have and never will wear speedos at the beach. Unlike some others, I have a mirror and it ain’t tellin’ me anything good.)

  14. Him that sees all

    Get over your selves. If people want to dress funky or differently then let them. I have an aunt from Jamaica who says “If we are not colorful then who the hell did the tourists come to see?”

    If a guy has enough hutspur to wear a thong on the beach, more power too him.

    You guys from the sub-polar regions of the planet have no concept of what looks good on the beach. It would take you a decade of living in the tropics to figure out the locals wear very little on the beach. In time you would figure out that the guys in long dork-shorts and the women in the one-piece swimsuits are from up north.

    Color, wear any color you like so long as it does not clash. Don’t let some idiot talk you into “umber this fall” or other such trash. You are not the stage crew for some one else’s show so you don’t have to wear black. Be colorful, your life is not a dress rehearsal, you are the star.

    Every day make sure some one is aghast at what you are wearing. You are not on the cutting edge of anything if everyone thinks you are “very nice”. You cant be bold by being timid.

    You are not risking anything if you are always playing it safe. If you don’t risk you will not make mistakes. If you don’t make mistakes you will never learn from them. If you never learn in this life, forget it, you don’t get a second chance.

    My god, you want to kill your self because some one wears leg warmers? Get real!! What matters is what you wear, not what some one else wears.

    Personally I can think of some good 80’s and 90’s styles that I would like back. Women in brightly colored thong leotards in the gym. It’s better eye candy than the current stupid look of long black flared pants for workouts. Long black pants for sweating?

    We need bright spandex back. That way teens will have to start to exercise and eat right instead of covering up the fat with oversized floppy pants and black XL shirts.

    Black is slimming when it’s a form fitting bikini, but not when it’s garbage bag fashion.

    The ultimate fashion accessory in 2005 is a road or tri bike. Bianchi, Lightspeed, take your pick. I know, half you plonkers don’t know how to accessaries that outfit, just don’t know the difference between Campagnolo or Ultegra. But then again, you hicks don’t know nothing about no real I-talian fashion.

  15. RPM

    Hey, could I use this photo? I would put it to good use with your permission