Cognitive Therapy

Soulless office park got you down? Are silly internet quizzes ruining your self-esteem? Pants making your butt look big?

Hey, maybe you need a shrink! Who out there couldn’t use some good, old-fashioned therapy? I’ve been thinking about shrinks because NPR’s All Things Considered recently profiled Albert Ellis, a psychologist who was very controversial back in the day. Ellis cooked up something called Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), which laid the groundwork for modern cognitive therapy.

Basically, Ellis advocates controlling “despair as a result of fundamentally irrational expectations.” In other words, don’t get depressed because back in ’99 you invested your life savings in a company that sold bikini cream on the internet. It’s all about dealing with reality. If you want to turn that frown upside down, I’d like to recommend my neighbor Em as your new shrink. She’s actually a junior high art teacher, but based on a recent conversation, I think she’s got a future as a cognitive therapist:

EM: You know when really bad shit happens? Like, it’s so bad that you can’t even believe it’s happening?
ME: Yep.
EM: Well, you better just fucking believe it’s happening.

Em accepts most health plans. The co-pay is one (1) beer.

11 responses to “Cognitive Therapy”

  1. Dana

    that’s my kind of therapy
    i recently counseled a good friend who was having a selfishness problem to GET OVER IT!
    BTDT with the believing when the really bad shit goes down.

    I totally knew about your quiz fix. It’s ok to take them it doesn’t mean you BELIEVE it or anything.

    Savior of the World

  2. jUDY

    Is part of the therapy beer consumption?? If so, sign me up….

  3. Sassy J

    Having been a frequent recipient of Em’s therapy (which usually is sage with expletives) I can tell you that beer is not accepted. The payment is a glass (or more) of red wine. Also, I just took one of those quizzes, and am also Savior of the World (at least on May 3, 2015). So, Dana, are we supposed to save the world together? We better start planning.

  4. Becky

    Actually, she accepted my beer. Perhaps she made an exception because I’m a new client.

    You world savior people are bringin’ me down…

  5. Glenn

    Hello all!
    Apparently I am the Destroyer of Human kind. Which isn’t so nice, but at least we all have until April 3, 2012.

    Wait a second.. I am beginning to doubt this ewb pages ability to predict my destiny.
    How is Sassy J going to save the world after I have destoyed human kind?

    We may have an idea for a movie here! It would involve time travel and artificially intelligent robots and cyborgs. I think it could be big. 😉

  6. Erin

    Oooo! I did cognitive behavioural therapy! It took a long time and it involved homework every week from my psychologists. So it felt like school, sort of.

    I’m less broken than I was before.

  7. Rebecca

    Ok, I just figured out that I can change my status from “toast” to “legendary hero” by giving my name as “rebecca” instead of “becky.” I will get to be a legendary hero for approximately 1 year before Glenn destroys humankind.

  8. Dana

    I’ll have to check into the whole date thing–but i think i become the savior of mankind before Glenn’s plot goes into effect–so maybe that means Glenn better start looking over his shoulder to make sure that i don’t take him out!

    BTW–step back Sassy J–this savior works solo!

  9. Becky

    I suspect that Sassy J fixed her quiz by changing the color until she got an acceptable result.

    Just a hunch…

  10. Dan

    Since I have multiple personalities, I entered for two. I was told that I will Destroy My Arch Nemesis, and my alter ego, Eduardo (who is also my Arch Nemesis) will Enslave All Of Humanity. It seems that I am in for rough seas, wish me luck.

  11. cognitive therapy enthusiast

    I am also quite familiar with, and find very useful, the ideas of Albert Ellis and his REBT form of cognitive behavior/behavior therapy. I have my own blog which talks a lot about him, if you’re interested (click on my name: “cognitive therapy enthusiast” or go to