Blog Therapy

antenna and clouds
On Saturday night I dreamed that I had to go back to kindergarten. Attendance was mandatory. “I have a masters degree,” I thought. “Why the hell do I need remedial kindergarten?” So I arrived late to class, which was being held in a large, modern auditorium, slunk past all the kids, and found an empty seat in the back row.

The teacher was asking students to solve an alphabet riddle on the board. She called on me, but because I had missed the question, I didn’t know the answer. I was embarrassed, but the teacher was kind and didn’t make me feel dumb. I vowed to show those kindergartners a thing or two during the next exercise.

After class, there was a large farmers’ market outside the school. The tables stretched on forever, and I walked down to the end in hopes of procuring some strawberries, but someone bought the last box moments before I arrived. The farmer tried to sell me blueberries instead, but they were from Michigan, not Jersey, and they still had their stems. I declined.

I woke up the next morning feeling stupid and berry-less. Then I went for coffee, and as I sat outside on Frankford Avenue, drinking caffeine and watching cars get washed, a pigeon shit on my head and nose. A witness pulled some baby wipes from her stroller and gave them to me. People are nice that way, always willing to help out when a pigeon shits on you.

10 responses to “Blog Therapy”

  1. Judy

    I don’t recall getting assistance when the bird shit on my head in Montreal. As a matter of fact, I recall you that you were totally freaked by it!

  2. Luna

    Someone told me that it was very good luck to have er…bird feces fall on your head.
    I know, perhaps it was a lie, but I still believe it.

    So there, you just got some good luck sent your way!

  3. Clair

    Actually, I think it is good luck for the bird, not you.

  4. Anonymous

    Try to remember that out of all the heads in Philadelphia, that bird picked yours……. You should be flattered. Mrs Moon Pappy

  5. Sherri

    The wording of your penultimate sentence leaves me wondering: was it the mother or the baby offering those feces-cleaning wipes?

  6. Thad

    Wow, nice stream of consiousness there!

    I have only been crapped on by a bird once. Of course, it was while walking to high school, and I had few options for cleanup before arriving. That sucked! Luckily, it wasn’t much…

  7. Penny

    I tend to attrack pigeon poop. I don’t even have to be standing still. I can be walking down the street and and the stuff will land on me! I have also been told it is good luck. A friend of mine and my boyfriend both laugh hysterically every time it happens. I have no idea why they find it so funny…. it’s yucky…

  8. Jessika

    Funny and cute! Thank you for sharing!

  9. Kytari

    That was truly clever and funny. You are really talented. One time, while riding the school bus, Pigeon Poo went straight through the open window and dispersed all over my head, face and shoulder. I think the pigeon was returning from Mexico with a little case of Montezuma’s Revenge!

  10. Sally

    Do you think the pigeons are keeping score?