SEPTA: Investment opportunity of the century!

septa logo
Here in Philly, we are distressed about the financial woes of the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority (SEPTA), the organization that runs our busses, trolleys, subways, and regional trains. Every year SEPTA ends up short on cash, and every year miracle money mysteriously appears to pull it through the crisis.

But this year, SEPTA really, really means it. If it doesn’t get a cash infusion, it will implement the dreaded CONTINGENCY PLAN, which involves layoffs, fare hikes, and service reductions.

All of this drama presents a unique investment possibility. I have decided to invest in SEPTA tokens and recommend that you do the same. Check this math:

  • base fare, current = $2.00
  • token price, current = $1.30
  • base fare, proposed effective 2/27/2005 = $2.60
  • token price, proposed effective 2/27/2005 = $1.70
  • base fare, proposed effective 3/6/2005 = $3.00
  • token price, proposed effective 3/6/2005 = $2.00

If SETPA raises fares on February 27th, each token you buy now will be worth an additional forty cents. That’s a return of almost 31%! If they raise fares again in March, your tokens will increase in value by over 50%. And if you compare the current token price to the future base fares, your rate of return is even higher.

Because the tokens are guaranteed not to decrease in value, this is a low-risk, high-profit investment and an outstanding opportunity to infuse SEPTA with the money it needs while lining your own pockets. Please feel free to forward this information to everyone you know.

18 responses to “SEPTA: Investment opportunity of the century!”

  1. Dave

    This is better than that Nigeria thing I invested in! Becky, I find your ideas intriguing, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  2. Becky

    Send your full name, date of birth, and social security number, and I’ll be happy to sign you up for my newsletter.

  3. Tom

    NYC used to change the tokens whenever they raised the fare by any significant amount. The one time they didn’t change I bought six months worth of tokens and avoided the rate hike for half the year.

    Now they use the MetroCard which holds an actual dollar value and not a number of rides.

  4. Jen

    SEPTA reminds me of a Septic Tank.

    MARTA, which stands for Metro Atlanta Rail Transit Authority, is planning on jacking up rates from the airport. Even though it’ll be $3.50 instead of $1.75, whatre gonna do? Take a cab? No. And no one wants to pick your ass up in traffic. CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.

  5. Sam

    I think SEPTA is having some self-esteem issues. I have seen several buses advertise car dealerships in Bala Cynwd and other burbs. I think the ad agency they hired needs to be fired. And then I need to be the elected/hired as the sole manager of SEPTIC.

  6. Scott

    Why should I invest in SEPTA when my elected officials won’t?

    Am I deep or what?

  7. Becky

    Well, Scott, when I read about that Route 15 trolley oversight, I could almost understand why the rest of PA is reluctant to give SETPA more money. I think we should have both increased dedicated public transit funding AND people who won’t squander said money by doing stupid shit like that.

    Maybe Sam should be in charge after all.

    But anyway, this investment plan is about maximizing your return, not thinking deep thoughts.

  8. Scott

    And THAT is why I will never be an investment mogul. I am too busy thinking while others are busy doing, and reaping the rewards.

    What is up with that?

  9. Tintil

    Becky, I think you should send SEPTA the aardvark and bear drawings you made on the transport map.

    SEPTA could sell your artwork to raise funds, you could take a cut of the profits and you also won’t ruin your pockets by carrying around all those tokens.

  10. Sassy J

    They are going to have two fare hikes one week apart? What lunacy is that? Typical for our city. Hey SEPTA, save yourself some training for employees and public alike–do one fare hike.

  11. Sam

    Maybe SEPTA should join up with Neiman Marcus and have a 1 million dollar token in exchange for unlimited rides for life.

  12. Ryan

    MARTA, which really stands for Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority (no offense, Tom; I’m a perfectionist), so far has not announced further developments in that particular issue. It was not well recieved by Atlantans, and I doubt it will go anywhere. Hopefully, SEPTA’s contingency plan will not happen either – it sounds extremely painful for riders.

  13. D Umber

    Well, no fare increase after all. The investment oppurtunity of a lifetime fizzled to nothing.

    Aside from denying tokens to those in need, the result is sunk costs. This type of investment borders on lunacy.

    Thank heavens I didn’t listen to you.

  14. Becky

    Ok, so this scheme didn’t work out, er, exactly as I had anticipated. However, I think the lunacy bit is unjustified, since the tokens are still worth their original face value and have not depreciated.

    D Umber is unsubscribed from my investment newsletter!

  15. Fred

    Not such a great deal after all.

    Prices did not rise.

    Talk to a couple of seniors at the University of Pennsylvania, who are pleading to have pre-purchased tokens refunded!

  16. Fred

    According to Commonwealth of Pensylvania Statues, fare instruments such as tickets tokens and passes, have no cash value!

    It is illegal to barter and trade these items.

    You really gave some bad advice!

  17. Becky

    Okay, Fred is also unsubscribed.

  18. chung pui

    FROM:MR. CHEUNG PUI
    Hang Seng Bank Ltd
    Sai Wan Ho Branch 171 Shaukiwan Road
    Hong Kong.
    Reply to:pui_hs@yahoo.com

    Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Cheung Pui director of
    operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd,Sai Wan Ho Branch.I have a
    obscured
    business suggestion for you.

    Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Major Fadi Basem who was with
    the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit
    for 18 calendar months, with a value of Twenty Four millions Five
    Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon
    maturity several notice was sent to him, even during the war early this
    year.
    Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response
    came from him. We later find out! that the Major and his family had
    been killed during the war in bomb blast that hit their home.

    After further investigation it was also discovered that Major Fadi
    Basem did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including
    the
    paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last
    time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in
    my
    bank. So, Twenty Four millions Five Hundred Thousand United State
    Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
    claim
    it. What bothers me most is that according to
    the to the laws of my country at the expiration 4 years the funds will
    revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies
    to claim the funds.

    Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as
    a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Major Fadi Basem so that you
    will be able to receive his funds.

    WHAT IS TO BE DONE:
    I want you to know that ! I have had everything planned out so that we
    shall come out successful . I have contacted an attorney that will
    prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin
    to
    Major Fadi Basem , all that is required from you at this stage is for
    you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the attorney
    can commence his job. After you have been made the next of kin, the
    attorney will also fill in for claims on your behalf and secure the
    necessary approval and letter of probate in your favor for the move of
    thefunds to an account that will be provided by you.

    There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going adopt a
    legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary
    documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters
    concerning this issue.
    Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we
    shall share in the ratio of 70% for me, 30% for you . Should you be
    interested please send me your full names and current esidential
    address and I wi! ll prefers you to reach me on the email address
    below: (pui_hs@yahoo.com).

    And finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this
    operation.
    Your earliest response to this letter will be
    appreciated.

    Kind Regards

    Mr. Cheung pui