What is this inflatable, action motion Mr. Stud box doing in the hall closet? Fair question. I first met Mr. Stud in January of 2003. He was dressed in jeans and a hoodie, calmly occupying an old rocking chair in the basement, and I was coming down the steps with a load of laundry.
“Fuuuuuuuuck. Serial killer in the house. What the fuuuuuuuuck?”
“Blow up doll? Who the !#$^%^% *&!! dressed up an inflatable doll and put him in the ^&!! basement? ”
The ensuing investigation revealed that Mr. Stud belonged to the guy on the first floor, Industrious R. Industrious R runs a freelance camera crew operation, a job that entails lots of double parking and lots of parking tickets. The intent was for Mr. Stud to sit in the passenger seat of the illegally-parked camera crew van while Industrious R did his errands, somehow tricking the Philadelphia Parking Authority into easing up on the citations.
This plan, however, was never implemented. Mr. Stud lived in our basement until Industrious R and his wife moved to Collingswood. The day after they moved, I found Mr. Stud’s empty box in the trash and decided to keep it for future use in a practical joke. Unfortunately, I never did think of a good joke, and now I’m scared to throw away the box, lest the neighbors get the wrong idea.
Moral: think carefully before you take an inflatable, action motion Mr. Stud box out of the basement trashcan.