Philadelphia election scandal: the one with the pierogies

voting place

If you live in the thirteenth division of Philadelphia’s fifteenth ward, this is your humble polling place. It will be the usual drill: no muss, no fuss, no hanging chads or busted kneecaps.

A few short blocks away, however, citizens in the seventeenth division will vote at the Russian Orthodox Church. A reliable source informs me that the Russians–in an effort to raise their neighborhood profile–will be handing out pierogies to all voters. In fairness, the giveaway is non-partisan: Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, and pinko Communists alike will receive this delicious treat.

I’m going on record to protest these meddling Russians. We’ve already sent a clear message to the weenie-spined Limeys about butting out of our elections, so what makes the Russians think they can waltz in with their pierogies and turn out the vote? Not to mention that pierogie bribery increases the risk of illegal multiple voting and other election fraud.

11 responses to “Philadelphia election scandal: the one with the pierogies”

  1. Suzette

    You are right to fear the Russian pierogies. Everyone – everyone! – knows that the Russians have an inate talent and unfailingly produce perfect dough. And as you are well aware, a successful pierogi depends on the quality of the dough around the filling. (Do you think they will have the saurkraut ones?)

  2. yoko

    Don’t know if they’ll have sauerkraut pierogies, Suzette, but I should add that kielbasa and that cabbage-potato are part of the deal, too.

  3. yoko

    sorry– make that “cabbage-potato roll.”

  4. Suzette

    And the address is … ?

  5. Becky

    560 North 20th Street
    PHILADELPHIA PA 19130
    (215) 568-6788

  6. Kytari

    Oh how I miss pierogies and kielbasa. We don’t have that kind of food in Dallas. Everything is about fusion quisine. I am really bummed out now. Dratz!

  7. Becky

    Hang, on Kytari–help is on the way. The next big thing after fusion cuisine is comfort food. We now have trendy restaurants where you wait in long lines for mashed potatoes and pierogie-like items.

    This trend should hit Texas soon!

  8. Jen

    >> The next big thing after fusion cuisine is comfort food. We now have trendy restaurants where you wait in long lines for mashed potatoes and pierogie-like items.

    Yeah, we call it Soul Food down here. You can pay $$$$ for Fried Chicken, Collard Greens, Mashed Potatoes and Cornbread.

  9. Andrea

    Well I never thought I’d read the words pierogies and election scandal in the same paragraph.

    Now why can’t they do that in Pittsburgh.

    Harumph..just another reason why Pittsburgh’s gone to the dogs..we can’t even get pierogies to vote :)

  10. kate-o

    heck of a lot better than clean underwear and ramen. We votes in CT had donuts but we had to pay for them (school fundraiser)Actually I was selling those suckers and the scent is still on me. I’m a giant Krispie Kreme.

  11. Ken San Diego

    There isn’t any place in San Diego that one can get authentic POLISH pierogies, So I am seriously thinking of starting my own pierogie business! Anyone want to be in this venture? Email me.