Normally I don’t get political, but people have a right to know the truth.
The ice cream wars are heating up in Philadelphia. Early last night, a non-Mr. Softee ice cream truck started cruising around the neighborhood. And I use the phrase ice cream truck liberally–it was actually a plain, white-and-bondo van with a Spiderman frozen treat advertisement slapped on the side. Aside from the Spiderman picture, the only other clue about the van’s purpose was the tinkling music that got louder and louder as the vehicle made its way up the block. Unlike Mr. Softee, this no-name vendor doesn’t play the same jingle continuously. In principle, the variety is a good thing. In practice, it depends on the music. Because the van stopped right in front of the house, I got to hear music box renditions of the following:
- Silent Night
- O Christmas Tree
- Away in a Manger
- Home on the Range
- La Cucaracha.
But here’s the political part of the story. As the van pulled away, I noticed a small sign on the back door: Zee Ice Cream. Google doesn’t turn up much on this outfit except an address:
Malapet, Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh 500036
So now we’re outsourcing the ice cream guy to India? Hey, Mr. Softee may be a dirty old man who (maybe) conducts illicit business from his truck, but at least he’s an American dirty old man. What are the credentials of this foreigner in the generic van? Is he union? How do we know he’s not connected to Al Qaeda? Is John Ashcroft still running that thing where you phone up and rat on your neighbors? It’s all very suspicious. You heard it here first.