Ice cream wars

Normally I don’t get political, but people have a right to know the truth.

The ice cream wars are heating up in Philadelphia. Early last night, a non-Mr. Softee ice cream truck started cruising around the neighborhood. And I use the phrase ice cream truck liberally–it was actually a plain, white-and-bondo van with a Spiderman frozen treat advertisement slapped on the side. Aside from the Spiderman picture, the only other clue about the van’s purpose was the tinkling music that got louder and louder as the vehicle made its way up the block. Unlike Mr. Softee, this no-name vendor doesn’t play the same jingle continuously. In principle, the variety is a good thing. In practice, it depends on the music. Because the van stopped right in front of the house, I got to hear music box renditions of the following:

  • Silent Night
  • O Christmas Tree
  • Away in a Manger
  • Home on the Range
  • La Cucaracha.

But here’s the political part of the story. As the van pulled away, I noticed a small sign on the back door: Zee Ice Cream. Google doesn’t turn up much on this outfit except an address:

Malapet, Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh  500036

So now we’re outsourcing the ice cream guy to India? Hey, Mr. Softee may be a dirty old man who (maybe) conducts illicit business from his truck, but at least he’s an American dirty old man. What are the credentials of this foreigner in the generic van? Is he union? How do we know he’s not connected to Al Qaeda? Is John Ashcroft still running that thing where you phone up and rat on your neighbors? It’s all very suspicious. You heard it here first.

4 responses to “Ice cream wars”

  1. Tintil

    I think anyone, regardless of ethnicity, deserves to be given a chance if they are broadcasting a music box version of La Cucaracha. My main concern would be that the frenetic tempo of La Cucaracha clashes with the pace of the other four sedate songs. Unless he’s using a seriously slowed down version of La Cucaracha (in which case you should definitely rat on him.)

  2. Becky

    Tintil, you add a voice of reason and moderation to Good Grief! Ok, I won’t rat him out right away. I’ll be keeping an eye on him, though.

  3. AdventureGirl

    My neighbors really annoy the hell out of me. Thanks to your informative blog I now realize that I can rat on them and have them hauled away for God knows how long. Now all I have to do now is make up some lie about having observed them engaging in un-patriotic activities. That shouldn’t be too difficult.
    Your site is fabulous. I must visit again.

  4. Stan the Ice Cream Man

    And I sayeth at the Top Of My Voice
    SCREW YOU!
    Your Friend the Ice Cream Man